and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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