Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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