you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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