please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
