at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
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am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Text me some of your sweat
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