he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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