look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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