I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He better not be in your backpack
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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