I am spending my child support on dildos
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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