dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
