People with herpes should wear stickers.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
we're so committed to being not committed
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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