So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
