Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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