she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
