Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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