I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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