hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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