He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
