Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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