Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Send help, water and tortillas.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
