just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
