Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
His hands were made for my vagina.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
porn star boner night. come get it.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
