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he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
God, I missed his penis.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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