just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She's the barista slut.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
