honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
