So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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