You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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