were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
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I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
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I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...