Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.

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(208): View more from Idaho

the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise

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(404): View more from Georgia

girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice

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(419): View more from Ohio

it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.

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Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Read it at the TFLN blog
(917): View more from New York City

Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.

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(480): View more from Arizona

I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.

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(850): View more from Florida

Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...

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(602): View more from Arizona

Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?

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(415): View more from California

LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.

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