just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
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somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.