Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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