First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
someone owes me an orgasm
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.