i think my tv is drunk
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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