i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
