Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
