i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
