I'm gonna have a badass scar
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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