I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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