According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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