he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
this must be what syphilis tastes like
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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