I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I did not marry a roomba.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize