I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
this hospital has no fireball
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
