There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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