the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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