Small penises have feelings too.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
