it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
