some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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