there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
