epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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