Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize