I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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