Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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