Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
