I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
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