At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
