Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
