i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
