dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
