I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
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The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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