I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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