I skipped work to stalk him.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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