Someone shit on the floor
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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