I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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