i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You dont lie about slip and slides
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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